Unschooling the Mind

From early on in my first pregnancy, already thinking about where to place my child in school, as one must these days with wait lists and lotteries, etc., I was fairly certain I wanted to do things differently. My husband and I are both alternative minded people, when it comes to education (not to mention most things). Traditional public, nor private, schools appealed to us. One thought that was always circulating in discussion was the concept of ‘unschooling’.

I grew up in a traditional schooling system, a small town, public elementary school with a transition into a private, international school in Europe for high school. From there I was poised to enter Smith College in Massachusetts, with the plan to double major in english literature and fine arts. But, with Hollywood already knocking on my door, my instinct was telling me to turn down my Smith College opportunities and move to New York to enroll in an acting conservatory, which is exactly what I did.

While I have fond memories of certain teachers, classes and activities, I also, in retrospect, can see where there were faults. Teachers who were off-putting and made learning a particular subject difficult, standardized testing, and a system that forced all students to mold to a specific way of learning. We know today from various studies that not every child fits the standard school system mold, which can make learning a challenge for many kids, but even more importantly, can dissuade children from liking certain subjects and even the entire process of learning. Even within my own little gang, I can see how one of my kids would probably do well in a traditional school, while the other, equally intelligent in their own right, might not grow and flourish by being forced to sit at a desk and focus on a teacher for seven hours a day.

I’m sure some will read this and say that everything I have listed so far are exactly the obstacles that force kids to grow and learn, and to overcome the obstacles and challenges that are presented in life as adults, challenges they should learn to overcome early on in order to succeed later in life. They should be forced to adapt to a system because that is the system that works. But is it? Why not create an environment that encourages kids to thrive and be excited about learning? Of course, there are always the outlier teachers and schools.

There may be a reason why, for instance Switzerland, and many other countries in Europe, children don’t start to learn to read or write until the age of seven, focusing more on social skills and imaginative play, which are very important for brain development, not to mention extremely important skills for life. There are developmental stages of the brain that are prime for beginning to achieve certain cognitive advancements, and that’s pretty key to understanding how and when to teach children particular skills. More and more, kids are being referred to doctors for ADHD by their teachers, while concerned and confused parents abide, wanting the best for their child. Is rushing to put our children on drugs, instead of trying to understand where the behavior may be coming from, really the best answer? Young children weren’t built to be forced to sit at a desk (nor are adults, for that matter), under fluorescent lighting, for the majority of their day. This could very well be the culprit behind a lot of behavioral issues, not to mention diet and an increased exposure to screens. But that’s another article. This is about my family’s thought process as to how we came to the decision to “unschool” our children.

When my oldest was two years old, I started looking into alternative preschools. I was looking at it as purely an experience for her to socialize and interact with new people. My husband and I were keyed in on Forest schools, outdoor schooling for children that focuses on environmental knowledge and appreciation. We found one that operated in Griffith Park, in Los Angeles, called ‘Aventuras’, which also happened to be Spanish immersion, another bonus (kids are very receptive to learning new languages, when exposed at young ages. We ended up enrolling our oldest along with her little brother, once he was of age to begin preschool, opting to keep them together as much as possible. The whole experience was wonderful. Our kids spent days out in nature, in the sun and rain, learning about plants and animals, and growing an appreciation for our environment and a feeling of obligation for its protection. We were fortunate enough to find an elementary forest school to transition our daughter into, after she ‘graduated’ from pre-school.

Once we left Los Angeles and moved up to the mountains, the question of how to proceed was somewhat daunting to me. Home-schooling was never something I saw myself capable of, with three young kids, age-wise spaced closely together. My husband was always talking to me about ‘Unschooling’, and encouraged me to read a book by Harvard professor Kerry McDonald titled “Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom”. I’ll admit, the book was daunting and I couldn’t get through most of it. I knew of some very successful people who were unschooled and was intrigued by the idea, but also very perplexed as to how that would play out and how our kids would sufficiently benefit. The basic principal’s of unschooling, are that it allows the education to be child-driven by their interests and curiosities. It allows for the child to learn at their own pace and because it’s curiosity lead, it increases the child’s motivation to learn, and encourages self-directed learning.

Once September was upon us, I found myself, like it or not, homeschooling, or therefore, unschooling, my kids. My focus is primarily on my oldest, as my younger two are well under the age where, we believe, they need to focus on academics. If my son is interested in learning about something one day, then we focus on that (that tends to be the ‘ABC’s’, numbers, and dinosaurs, plants and bugs, or building his own inventions). For my oldest, we are focused on reading, writing and basic math, she’s enrolled in Kumon for extra support, and aside from that, anything else she may be interested in (currently, Neanderthals). They have science projects they have to create (anyone else remember dropping an egg off the school roof in a home-made container that protected it from breaking??). Various extra-curricular activities will always be in the mix; dance, martial arts, gymnastics, horseback riding, and music classes; whatever interests the kids. Finding ways to make sure the kids socialize.

We seem to be organically finding a pace and a routine that helps us navigate through this process. We started taking hikes and use an app to learn about plants that are unknown to us. We then use the pictures of those plants and go home and paint pictures to incorporate them. We read lots of educational books like ‘Unstoppable Us’ by Yuval Noah Harari, as one example. We have lots of unstructured, outdoor play, and when a topic of interest arises, we address it.

It’s been an interesting school year, so far. I’ve found myself in a place that I never imagined myself to be: a full-on, stay-at-home-mom, and unschooling provider. Some days are difficult, the weight and responsibility of the undertaking of my kid’s education weighing on my insecurities as a provider, bearing down on the already heavy mental load of taking care of three kids, full time. Some days it makes me feel extremely accomplished, and other days, ironically, extremely unaccomplished. I wonder where I am headed, personally, if anywhere. I doubt everything I’m doing, questioning if I’m doing enough, if they’re exposed to enough. I sometimes think, this isn’t what I signed up for, when in reality, its exactly what I signed up for. I wanted to be the person to raise my kids. To be their main influence. Did I want to be responsible for their education? Not exactly. But I know it’s just my insecurities getting the better of me. My mind sometimes travels to the past, before kids. I’ve gone from running around on a fake porn set studio, scantily clad in various provocative costumes on the hit biker show ‘Sons of Anarchy’, to teaching art, nature connection and English to my kids. I never saw myself here, but that’s okay. I feel an honor in raising my kids to be part of a more prosperous future; that’s my personal take.

Where the future takes us on this schooling journey, I’m still not entirely sure. Once we move away from our little mountain community, we may decide to reinstate a forest school program, or some sort of alternative schooling schedule. Until we journey away and rediscover ourselves, yet again, I want to make sure I savor this time I have with my kids, the influence we have on them and the time they have to create their bonds, as siblings and as a family, bonds that will bear the burden of time. No matter how frustrating some days are, a life like this seems rare, where we are all together, without the distractions that life can offer. For now, I’ll take this challenge given to me and see how far I’m capable to run with it… I’ll post updates!